Lovers Are Sinners
by ReitaLOVE818
Summary: This is the 3rd and final part of my jrock fanfic trilogy. Part 1 was DiSoRdEr, and part 2 was Aishiteru Kara. Read those two before this. It's a prequel about Reita X Ruki. Started it in 2010...
1. Chapter 1

A lot of people think that the song Reila, penned by Ruki, is about an ex-girlfriend of Ruki's who was murdered, dumped him, or killed herself. The fact of the matter is that the song is about none of these. He may have hinted at it a little in the lyrics, or nodded to theories spurted during interviews, but in all actuality, Ruki is just trying to cover his tracks. This story explains Reila, and why the spelling of the song's title so closely resembles 'Reita'. The song was never about a person who died, but a beautiful relationship that died, that was murdered not by the lovers themselves, but by outside forces. This is the story of Reituki...

(It was the beginning of 2004, and Kai had been drumming for the band for almost a year now. At about this time the band was preparing to go into the studio to record "Zakurogata No Yuutsu". Of course, other than to give you a time frame to work with, this information is irrelevant.)

On a cold, wintry February day, Ruki was relaxing out on the front deck of his mother's house, wrapped up in a handmade scarf, and in between the fingers of his leather gloves sat a Marlboro Light cigarette. He had only taken a few short hits off it, and he sighed as he looked out toward the soft, powdery snowflakes falling to the ground.

"I know you hate this kind of weather, but it will clear up soon." Reita had stepped out onto the porch to join him and light up a Mild Seven Light held tightly between the digits of his bare hand.

Ruki looked over and smiled. "Try not to get frostbitten, Suzu."

Reita had disliked that nickname at first, but after a while, he got used to Ruki calling him that, since Ruki was the only one who had ever done so. He took a long drag off his cigarette, and looked around boredly. "What did you want me to do tonight? I was thinking I should go back into town and take the train"-

Ruki made a loud noise, resembling the sound someone makes when they clear their throat. Scuffling a bit, he replied in a soft, flat tone, "I don't think that will be necessary." With that, Ruki put out his cigarette and headed back inside. Reita quickly followed suit, knowing full well that Ruki wouldn't dare let him take the 97km trip back home in this weather.

After a warm dinner, the two bandmates were just relaxing in Ruki's bedroom. They were sitting on the floor in front of a small television set, watching an old John Travolta movie. Neither of them possess very exemplary English skills, so subtitles were running across the screen for them.

In the middle of the flick, Reita turned to his best friend. "I heard Uruha is throwing a party this weekend."

"What of it?"

"Well, I wasn't planning on going, but then I realized I could tolerate seeing Uruha absolutely wasted if I had someone fun to go with me. I mean, Aoi will be holding Uru's hair back for him, and Kai won't get even just a teeny bit buzzed with me..."

There was a moment of silence, and Reita fidgeted a little bit.

Ruki took a deep breath. "I guess I'll go if it makes you happy."

That Saturday night, Ruki arrived at Uruha's party first. However, he was not early, not by any means. It was nearing midnight, and Uruha was already too sloshed to walk properly. This left him feeling irritated, and he moved to the kitchen, where he decided that he would have a drink. Standing between the refrigerator and stove, he set out a small glass and began pouring Kirin Koiwai Apple into it. He was taking a sip when he almost spit out his drink all over the place.

Closing the door behind him, Reita was entering Uruha's home. He was dressed very graciously for the occasion, adorning a silk shirt, soft black vest, and slim-fit slacks. His hair may have been in its usual haphazard, half-mohawk style, but just below his perfectly made-up eyes sat a silk nose tanga that matched his shirt. Ruki was mesmerized, starstruck to say the least.

Not knowing what else to do, Ruki tilted the cup back and chugged the entire contents of his glass. Smiling, he moved toward Reita with a pink tinge still lingering on the corners of his cheeks. Stopping in front of the other, he was about to say something, when he felt himself being shoved out of the way.

"Reita!" A plastered Uruha made his way to the bassist, wrapping his arms around him just a little too tightly, his whole body weight leaning against the other in a clumsy attempt to say his salutations. Ruki was shocked, but before he could react, Aoi came up and pried the drunken man away, pulling him into the living area and onto a sofa so that he wouldn't fall over somewhere.

With an awkward smile, Reita said to no one in particular, "Well, that's Uruha for ya." He then noticed Ruki standing near him. "What's up?"

The singer's cheeks reddened even more and he found himself simply saying, "Nothing. I was just waiting for you."

Reita let out a roaring chuckle, the kind a man only lets out when he is in the highest of spirits. "Based on the fact that your face is so red, and your breath smells of booze, seems you have been doing plenty without me! Let's get you another drink!"

The next morning, Ruki's eyes opened to the sun beating down on his face from the open window. He had managed to take one of the guest beds, something that usually never happened. He pouted when he realized he was still in all of his clothes and accessories from last night, and he couldn't remember when he'd fallen asleep...or how. He was in the middle of a stretch when his hand bumped something large next to him. Confused, Ruki looked over...and saw Reita!

Shocked, Ruki just about fell out of the bed. Upon further inspection, however, he realized that Reita too was fully clothed so the night must not have been as intense as he was thinking. As Ruki gained his bearings and relaxed, he got out of bed and headed out into the living room. It was the middle of the afternoon, and some of the other guests were awake and recovering from the night before.

Uruha was still on the sofa, but lying on his side and asleep with a bucket set in front of him, just in case. Aoi was awake, sitting in the chair adjacent from the sofa, puffing on a cigarette. In the kitchen, Kai was attempting to make lunch while a few other guests were seated at the table or standing around the island in the middle of the kitchen. Either way, everyone seemed to be looking at Ruki as he entered the room.

The singer made his way to the kitchen table and took a seat. His eyebrows furrowed at the sound of a collective giggle from those who were in the room. Kai, being the chipper little shit that he is, was the first one to say anything about it.

"Did you two have a good night last night?"

Ruki lifted his head and looked at Kai. "What do you mean? I can't remember anything."

Of course, this only made the laughter in the room crescendo into a comedic uproar. "Normally, things would be left at that, since you wouldn't believe me if I told you what happened. But...thanks to technology, I can just show you."

Kai pulled out his cell phone and began going through the menu. As he was doing so, the drummer was humming the harmony to an old pop song. Making a thoughtful face, he stopped pressing buttons. "I will show you the video, but only if you promise me that if Reita doesn't remember last night, you won't tell him about this."

"And why not?"

"Because," Kai said with a childish smile, "He is manly and straight, remember?"


	2. Chapter 2

Kai was holding the cell phone close to Ruki's face, so that he could see what was going on. The audio was a bit distorted, as it is on cell phones, but every word and every sound seemed crystal clear to Ruki.

On the small screen, he could see that he was sitting on Reita's lap. Reita appeared unfazed by the situation, but the Ruki on the screen looked really excited to be where he was. Reita was just sitting there, too glazed for it to even register.

Ruki felt horribly embarrassed. Looking away from the screen, he said, "I can't believe I did that."

Kai grinned. "Wait...there's more."

Kai went through the video menu again and selected the appropriate clip. In this video, Reita was walking to the guest bed, and Ruki was following close behind. Reita was climbed into bed, stumbling just a little bit on the way. However, he left the door open and Ruki followed him in, climbed into the bed, and wrapped his arms around the other man. Without a fuss, but without welcoming it either, Reita fell asleep quickly. Ruki looked so content snuggling into the other's chest.

"You're going to delete those, right Kai?"  
>The drummer nodded. "Yeah, I just wanted to be sure you knew what happened, so that if he remembers, things don't get awkward later. But..let me talk to you for a moment outside about something."<p>

Reluctantly, Ruki grabbed his coat and followed Kai out to the back patio.

"Ruki...I was just wondering," Kai began, "...I've never seen you like that before, with anyone, let alone Reita. Was it just the amount of drinking you did, or are you crushing on him?"

Scratching his head and trying to look more sure of himself (but failing miserably), Ruki replied dryly, "Well, it would be unprofessional for me to establish a relationship with Reita. Besides, he is my best friend, and I don't know if I want to lose that because"-

Kai frowned. "I don't care about any of that. I just want to know how you feel, Ruki!"

Sighing, Ruki unloaded the goods. "Fine, I like him, but don't you dare say anything to anyone. I don't think he feels the same way about me anyhow."

The drummer winked. "Oh, but you'd be surprised." Without further explanation, Kai went back into Uruha's house.

To avoid further humiliation, Ruki had left Uruha's before Reita managed to roll out of bed. He went back home, and tried not to think about it, but his mind kept straying. How would this change Reita's opinion of him?

That evening, Ruki was lounging in front of the television set watching the nightly news, when his phone rang. Without thinking, the singer picked it up, and instantly regretted it.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Reita. Uhm, listen, about last night"-

"Don't worry about it. But I don't know if I can be drinking with you like that anywhere public. I mean, my reputation for being manly and straight would be ruined. Then everyone would probably treat me like I am Aoi or something."

Ruki grunted at this. Aoi and Kyo had just announced themselves as a couple to the rest of the GazettE last week. Although the band took to it well, they are always guarding this information, for if it ever leaked into the public, they have no idea how the fans would take it.

Once the conversation was finished, Ruki headed straight for bed. He couldn't handle this thought of Reita not wanting to be his boyfriend, or even liking him. He didn't know where this feeling came from, and before last night, he hadn't even thought about it.

A couple of weeks had passed before the band got together again. This time, the band was spending a mellow evening at Kai's place.

The five members were lounging around, looking bored as hell. Kai felt like trying to play matchmaker, and had the perfect idea to try and achieve it. "Hey, let's play some truth or dare."

Uruha looked horrified. "Last time your dare for me was to go streaking out in front of the house!"

Ruki was feeling competitive. "I think we should do it."

"Okay." Kai said, smirking, "Ruki, truth or dare then?"

The singer grinned. "When do I ever pick truth. Dare of course."

This was going to be easier than Kai thought. "Fine, I want to see a 30-second tongue-down-throat fest. The victim is Reita. Go."

At this, Reita jumped up onto his feet. "Oh, hell no! That's gross!"

A painful expression struck Ruki's face. He was going to just forget about it, but the other bandmates kept pleading that rules were rules.

To shut them all up, Reita sat back down. "Fine, but I am closing my eyes and pretending it's a girl I am kissing. And Ruki, you touch my junk and I will rip off your balls."

Ruki nodded diligently. "Got it."

With that, the room grew silent. The rest of the band was looking at the pair, eyes wide in anticipation. As Reita closed his eyes and as Ruki drew nearer, he began to wonder why Reita was being so homophobic suddenly, and so defensive. Could it be that Reita maybe wasn't as manly, straight, or macho as he claimed to be? Ruki shook those thoughts from his mind and leaned forward, pressing his lips against Reita's.

The bassist was shocked. He didn't imagine that a pair of male lips could feel so soft, so plush, so inviting. After a couple of seconds of hesitation, Reita willingly let Ruki's tongue in. Both of the men relaxed, and by the end of the thirty seconds, not only were they down each others' throats, but Ruki's arms were around Reita's waist and Reita had a hand on Ruki's lower back.

"Ok, Ok, stop you guys!" Kai was shouting in a fairly panicked voice. When Ruki and Reita opened their eyes and looked at everyone, the rest of the band was staring at the two, wide-eyed in disbelief.

Reita simply shrugged, said, "What?" and scooted a couple of inches away from Ruki.

Ruki, however, remained where he was, looking at the others, his face beet red. His desire was exposed to everyone, not just Reita, but to the rest of the GazettE, too. "Um, I'll be right back." Just then, Ruki went outside, wedging himself in between the side of Kai's home and the garage, and finally sliding to the back of the garage, where he was hidden from view. The vocalist didn't cry. He just squatted there, reaching into his pocket for his cigarette and a lighter. He could feel all of his muscles relax, and he closed his eyes, drifting off into the corners of his mind.

A good forty five minutes must have passed before anyone decided to go searching for him. Uruha was wandering near a tree and tripped over a stump, catching himself before he fell to the ground. He passed right by the shed without much thought. Reita was perched on the front porch, his eyes watching both ends of the street. Kai was crawling underneath the back porch, too worried about Ruki's well-being to care that his clothes were getting covered with dirt and grass stains. As Aoi passed by the garage, he slowed, his nostrils flaring as he caught the scent of cigarette smoke. Making his way to the back of the garage, Aoi found Ruki, facing the opposite direction and taking a puff off of what appeared to be his fifth Marlboro Light.

"Hey," the guitarist said in a mild-mannered tone. However, he stepped back and pretended like he didn't find anything once he heard the two words muttered from Ruki.

"Fuck off."


	3. Chapter 3

Aoi turned, pivoting his body before taking three large steps away from the shed. He wasn't about to give away the singer's coordinates and have Ruki all pissed off at him. He quickly conjured up a quick plan of action to lead the others away from Ruki's whereabouts.  
>"Hey, listen you guys, I don't think that…" A light bulb went off in Aoi's head. He could continue talking like he didn't know where Ruki is, and gesture toward the shed so the others would seemingly find him without the guitarist's help. Aoi felt like such a genius sometimes. … "Ruki would stay in the backyard. He probably left somewhere, and if he wants anyone to know where he is, he'll call, right?" Aoi was nodding his head toward the shed and pointing at it. From the angle Aoi was at, Ruki couldn't see him gesturing…could he?<br>The rest of the band looked a little baffled, but Kai was the first one who seemed to get it, and he wandered over and began to make his way behind the shed. Crouching down on his haunches so that he would be eye level with the vocalist, Kai bit his lip and took a moment to think before he spoke, a rare quality for a musician…  
>"Hey Ruki, if you want we can just kick back and talk it out back here, I can send the others back inside. Are you going to be ok at least?"<br>The singer put out his cigarette, grinding it into a patch of dirt. He didn't look very happy to have company back there, behind that wall of flimsy aluminum siding. He was cornered, trapped by Kai, fencing, a pile of tarp, and the shed itself. Trying to remain in control of the situation, he asked bluntly, "Can I just talk to Reita? Alone?"  
>Kai stood and rounded up the group. They went to the front porch where Reita was standing. He looked tense, the shoulders on his arms taut as he was gripping the railing around the porch, his eyes wandering aimlessly. He looked lost, as if drowning in a sea of worry and fear.<br>"Could it be," Kai thought, "That these two are really yearning for each other? Ruki is so upset, and Reita…he looks absolutely heart-broken right now."  
>The bassist turned to the group. "Any trace of him?" At that, Kai ushered the rest of the group inside and somewhat behind Reita, making a wall between the bassist and the door so that the other band mates couldn't read lips.<br>Kai let out a very heavy-handed sigh. "He's waiting for you, behind the shed. Go slowly and quietly. I am going to go inside and distract the others."  
>Reita was slightly puzzled, but he went ahead and did as Kai said. Making his way over gravel and mole-hills, he soon found himself shimmying between the shed wall and the fence. He didn't even care anymore, and sat flat on his butt, not caring about the dirt. Ruki was looking away, but his full attention was on Reita's presence.<br>"You and I," the singer began sternly, letting the words fall stale in the air with long, unwarranted pauses between phrases, "have been best friends for years, seven years now to be exact. My parents think of you as a second son, and…"  
>"And that's why the transition would be easy. We wouldn't have to tell our parents until we're ready, and they wouldn't suspect anything. If you don't want the rest of the band to know, we can always act differently around them. I mean, I guess I'll just have to accept the fact that you'd be embarrassed to publicly"-<br>"No." Ruki was looking Reita in the eyes now. "Our family can know. The GazettE can know. Our fans enjoy fanservice, so let's give them something to talk about." He was grinning, but a tear had crystalized and found itself sliding along his cheek. "I don't know how long I've wanted this, Reita. It's been a secret hiding deep within my heart for years, and I hadn't even noticed it until recently."  
>For a moment, Reita was stunned. He had been crushing on Ruki all along, but what was he to say? He worried about his image, he worried about whether Ruki had felt the same for most of seven years, and now…now he was free to say the words he'd always wanted to say. "I'd love to be yours, Ruki."<br>The pair reached out, simultaneously, almost instinctively, and clasped hands. They made their way back into the house. Reita was strutting, looking all macho and proud with his head held high, despite the brown dirt smear on the seat of his pants. Ruki, on the other hand, was blushing, his head angled slightly downward and his other hand in his pocket. When they walked in, the game of Go between Uruha and Aoi had stopped, and all eyes were on the two.  
>"Uh, uhm…hi." Ruki tried to say more, but couldn't.<br>Reita, on the other hand, smirked. "You guys diggin' my new boyfriend? He's totally manly and fierce like me. Anyone lets the cat out of the bag publicly, and we will team up and beat your ass. Got it?"  
>Aoi, Kai, and Uruha all nodded. Uruha stood abruptly. "I think we need some booze to celebrate. "<br>Kai looked irritable at this moment, and he began screeching. "Don't you dare pull out that sake! I am saving it for when my parents come home to visit next weekend!"  
>It was already too late. The popping of the container could be heard, as well as the sound of pouring liquid. Uruha had a cup that looked like a quarter of the bottle. "To Ruta! Or ReiRu, or Kita! Or…"<br>"Reituki." Uruha's and Kai's eyes darted over to see Aoi grinning. "What? I think it sounds badass."  
>With that, the band relaxed and had a few drinks to finish off their meeting. However, Reita and Ruki had many more challenges to face ahead of them…<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

The first week was no problem whatsoever. Other than going out together to the movies, the two had resorted only to texting and calling each other. It was agreed that if the pair spent too much time together it might spoil the natural high they were on, that vibrant energy at the beginning of a romantic relationship. Of course, by the end of ten days of this, Reita was just itching to see Ruki again.  
>Flipping open his cell phone, the bassist let his eyes scan his bedroom as he listening to the ringing. "Please, pick up, Ru…" It took a few rings before a drowsy murmur was heard on the other end of the line.<br>"What are you doing asleep at a time like this? It's three o' clock in the afternoon. Did you sleep okay last night?"  
>"Yeah."<br>"Are you feeling okay?"  
>"Yeah. I'll be fine. What are you doing right now?"<br>"Sitting on my bed and thinking about you, Ruki."  
>"Okay."<br>"Well, are you coming over tonight for dinner, or what?"  
>"Will there be dessert?"<br>"Sure, if you want there to be. I'll have my mom make your favorite."  
>The last train came into town at 6:45, and Reita was there at the station, waiting on the bench closest to where the shuttle would stop, just as he usually did. If there was any indication that tonight was different than usual, it was in the nervous tapping of the bassist's foot. The limb just would not stop moving; it thumped lightly as though it were possessed and had a mind of its own. Just as soon as Reita could feel boredom sneaking up on him, the railcar approached, slowing with a low hum to a complete stop before the doors came open and people began to pour out.<br>Watching the scene always amused Reita, as people seemed directionless and moved about aimlessly. Now, this made the bassist realize that most people not only navigate train stations in this manner, but they explore everything else in life in the same, disorderly fashion. "Chaos…and disorder," he mumbled to himself, not realizing the band would, in the near future, be naming their album after Reita's existential meanderings of the mind.  
>Standing up, Reita patted himself off and briskly walked toward the vocalist as the shorter man was exiting the train. Without the slightest hesitation, he put his arm around Ruki's shoulder, and the pair made their way back to the bassist's home, a short three kilometer walk. With comfortable, conversational strides, the two discussed the mundane and ordinary. There would be a time to pour their hearts out to one another, but that time was not quite now.<br>Entering the home, Reita removed his shoes and waved to his mother. "Ruki's here." Of course, Reita's parents were so used to his best friend's presence that it was no big deal that he was over.  
>"Dinner will be done in less than an hour. Why don't you relax for a bit while I finish getting things ready?" Reita nodded at his mother and made his way to his room, Ruki following close behind. Down the narrow hall and to the first bedroom on the left, the two entered, and the bassist immediately flopped down on his bed.<br>"Ru, did you do anything awesome while we have been…not visiting each other this week?" He didn't mean for it to come across like he'd been hurt; the pain of separation was an anxiety he would just have to get used to.  
>"No. I spent all of my free time at home, and barely got to practice my vocals. My uncle passed away though, and that funeral hit me pretty hard. I might write something about it."<br>Reita sighed. "He was sick for a long time. At least he isn't suffering anymore."  
>"That's true., though I sometimes feel like his pain has been transferred to the rest of the family. Sleep is an intolerable thing. I can't remember the last time I dreamt anything, even…" Ruki's face went into the crook of his hand, pressing against his palm. "Sometimes dying is the most challenging part of life. I hope that I die in my sleep so I never have to accept death. I wonder what it felt like to just let go and let your body fade like that."<br>"I don't know, but I certainly do know I don't like thinking about this. It's putting me in a sour mood."  
>"The only thing that's sour, Suzu, is me. I feel so…down. Like everything's bleak and pointless."<br>Reita shook his head in retort. "No…unless you think that what I feel for you is pointless, too." Inching forward, the bassist wrapped his arms around the vocalist, enveloping him tightly. "There's always something going wrong in your life, Ruki. I just want you to be happy, at least once. Be happy with me, with us. Show me what that damaged little heart is capable of, please."  
>The two of them spent a long while just holding one another. It felt like hours, but when Akira's eyes graced over the alarm clock, he knew they'd only been in the room for ten minutes. Sighing, he let go of his hold on the other and laid back, snuggling into the plush surface that was his pile of comforters and accent pillows. The bassist held up his arm, twirling his wrist around and curling his finger into the obvious gesture that would beckon Ruki to move closer. The shorter man complied, but didn't linger close enough by for any more physical contact. Instead, the two men just settled where they were, staring at one another blankly.<br>"You're going to eat dinner, Ru, and lots of it."  
>"Do I have to?"<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

Ruki tried to ignore all of those irritated noises, the meal-time sounds that drove him crazy. He just couldn't stand any of it- the scraping of cutlery against plates, the shuffling of feet on the tile floor, chewing…Oh God did Ruki HATE being able to hear the sound of someone else's chewing. It disgusted him and made him lose his appetite quickly, but he still forced himself to eat a little, mostly so that Reita would get off his back.

The vocalist remembered a night where he'd outright refused to have dinner. It had upset Reita's mother so much that she wouldn't say anything to him for three days, taking the blame for it. However, it was nothing personal. Ruki just preferred to eat alone, when he decided to eat at all.

The vocalist wanted to finish his plate tonight; he really did. However, the reality was that his body couldn't handle so much food in one sitting, and so he found himself eating much more slowly than the people around him, and half of its contents still remained by the time he felt completely satiated. As per usual, the vocalist decided to try and make light conversation in an attempt to distract himself from what was happening around him.

"Reita…you know that nice necktie you got me for Christmas? I wore it the other day?"

"At the funeral?"

"Yeah."

"That wasn't what I had in mind when I got you it. At least I know you looked nice that day though."

Reita's mom jumped in. "What funeral."

"My uncle's."

"That's terrible. He wasn't that old, was he?"

"No, I think he was around your age."

Reita didn't want to hear about death anymore. It seemed like with Ruki, everything always came back to death. When did the singer ever talk about living? It had been a while since he'd heard anything joyous from the shorter man. Since they'd been together, Ruki had always been about doom and gloom, or so it seemed. "Can we talk about something else, dear?"

Crap. Reita had let that affectionate term slip out at the table. Had his mother noticed? His eyes darted over to her face. Nervously, he watched for any reaction.

She set down her fork. With a distant look in her eyes, she nodded slowly. "That makes sense." She took a deep breath. "When were you going to tell me you were into other men, Akira?"

The bassist really didn't want to confront this right now. "I don't know. I've only been seeing Ruki on this basis for ten days now. And Ruki's my first boyfriend…so who knows? It could just be a phase…relax mom." Although it was true that Ruki was Reita's first boyfriend, it certainly was not a phase, and Ruki was the only person that Reita had ever looked at, let alone wanted.

Feeling the awkwardness fill the room, Ruki pushed out his chair and left the dining room table without a word, making his way to Reita's room. A bit puzzled, Reita wanted to follow, but he didn't want his mother to feel disrespected. "We've bothered our guest. May we continue this conversation after he leaves, please?"

The bassist's mother nodded. "That's fine. And tell him dessert's in an hour."

Back in the bassist's bedroom, Ruki was lying on the bed when Reita had entered. He appeared tense, but then who wouldn't when having to deal with someone else's mother's opinion of you. "She's so judgmental," he murmured. Like most parents, Reita's mother probably expected her son to marry some wonderfully gorgeous gold-digger of a Japanese woman. She'd probably also expected him to work some nine to five business job in Tokyo, kissing ass to get his bonus each year, which he would then use to buy her some crappy sweater. For some reason, most adults seemed to have a more unrealistic, fairy tale view of the world than anyone else. She wanted her son to have one or two children, to buy a house in the suburbs which he would commute from to get to work, and own an Akita or Shiba Inu. Oh, the Japanese suburban white collar life. Too bad most Japanese don't live that lifestyle.

Reita leaned forward on the bed, caressing Ruki's face gently. "Don't worry about my mother or what she thinks. She's not all the ticked. She just wanted me to tell her sooner. Who knows how long she's been wondering in the back of her subconscious mind. She probably feels betrayed that I wouldn't open up to her as soon as I even began to question my sexuality. …The part that hurts her is not that I'm into guys, it's that I didn't tell her as soon as I'd considered it. It really burst her bubble to find out this way tonight. Also…she said dessert will be ready in an hour, Ru, so you'd better be ready to see her again then." The bassist grinned, leaning forward to press his lips against the other man's cheek.

"My bigger concern, the one we should both be fretting over, is my dad. He's not home right now, but as soon as she says something to him…he's going to flip out. He thinks I am some super manly, overly-masculine, woman chaser of a bass playing rock star. You know, super macho. It's going to break his heart to find out his son's a "fairy". It's a level of uncool that no homophobic father wants to deal with. If he tells me I can't see you again, I'll just kick him in the nads and hang out with you at other places. There is always your house, am I right?"

Usually, the pair didn't bother to visit Ruki's home. It was smaller, and Ruki's mother wasn't as good of a cook. Also, his mother owned this small dog that had to be shut in a kennel whenever Reita visited. For some reason, the little ankle-biter wasn't a big fan of the bassist. But it was no matter; the dog was always tucked away in there or placed in the small fenced lot being the building.

"Ruki…can you do my one small favor?"

"What."

"Sing me a song. That will really calm my nerves right about now."


	6. Chapter 6

Akira Suzuki woke up the next morning to an empty bed. Sighing, he departed from his resting place to make his way to the bathroom. However, he stopped walking halfway to the door. There was a piece of paper sitting out on the desk. It contained Ruki's sprawling writ:

"Your family won't accept us. My family won't either. Do you think it was a wise decision for us to get together? I love you, but I don't know if it was practical. Sure, our band mates support us, but would anyone else? I couldn't sleep last night so I left. You can call me, but not today. I want a day to just lie around, if I can have that. Think upon this, and we'll discuss it later."

Reita didn't even hesitate. He marched to his closet and pulled out some clothes, grabbed his wallet, and marched clear out the door. He was not about to let Ruki's moodiness ruin their relationship. He took the next train out to Kanagawa prefecture, arriving at Ruki's home just before ten AM. When he knocked, Ruki's mother answered.

"Good morning. Is Takanori there?" He hated using the vocalist's real name, but his mother didn't respond if he tried to address her son by his stage name.

"Yes. Is everything alright? He has been sitting in front of the TV all morning. Won't eat…He also looks like he hasn't slept, either." Sliding back a bit, she let Reita brush past her. She didn't say anything, but she gave his back an odd look before walking away. It probably wasn't any of her business.

When Akira Suzuki entered the living room, he saw his boyfriend slumped forward, staring blankly at a screen playing Saturday morning cartoons. He hadn't even noticed that Reita had shown up, or if he did he gave no sign. The bassist sighed, walked across the room to the television set, and flicked the switch off.

Ruki blinked.

"Can I talk to you for a moment, please?"

"If you really want to." The vocalist's voice was grating.

"Fair enough, Ru… I don't think it should matter what anyone else thinks. Why do you care so much what the rest of the world thinks, anyway? All I care about is you. If you feel that you want to be mine, and that I should be yours, then what does anything else matter? Their opinions are worthless in our quest for love, are they not?"

Ruki shook his head. "What would our manager do? Our label? How would it affect sales?"

"So…making music is more important than love?"

"Sort of." The singer paused, trying to gather his thoughts. "Love is…selfish. It would be just for the benefit of me, and you…but what about all of our fans? Our music helps so many people; it reaches them and soothes them, comforts them, gives them a wholesome feeling. Would it be right of us to do that to them? To risk having to disband because we want to be together?"

Reita really had to think about this one. That was a very compelling argument his boyfriend was doling out, but Reita shook his head and began his retort. "The fans…they would want us to be happy. If our label dropped us, I am certain someone else would take us. Sure, we might have to go back to being on an indie label, but look how popular Loop Ash got after we released our first single through them. They blew right up! Every indie label in Japan would want us. Some of the bigger indie labels might even pay us more than PSC does. So…can we move forward as a couple?"

Ruki's eyes lit up. He had never realized that their partnering might even benefit the band. "I don't know, Reita…are we allowed to make out on stage?" The cat-like smirk the vocalist usually held had returned to his face. Hand splayed out, he patted the spot next to him on his couch. "Come here…"

Akira Suzuki was obedient, plopping down right next to his boyfriend. One arm wrapped around the bassist's waist, and the pair relaxed. As their lips collided, a soft noise of satisfaction escaped from Ruki's throat. He'd been wanting to attack the other man for a long while now. Little did he realize that as this was happening, his mother had been walking past with a basket of laundry. She almost dropped it, but instead she just stood there, staring for a brief moment before hurrying off.

The two disconnected for a moment. "I am so glad your dad didn't say anything last night."

"We were asleep before he got home, and he had to be to work before I woke up. I have no idea what he's going to say the next time he sees me. He might kill me." The bassist grabbed the vocalist's hand, pulling the smaller man up onto his feet. "Let's go to your room for a bit." There was a smile and a wink thrown in for good measure. The vocalist complied with a brisk nod, and the two were in the room with the door closed within seconds.

As she was stuffing the laundry into the washing machine, Ruki's mother was visibly shaking. She was and wasn't quite sure what she'd just seen, but she really wished she could un-see it. Maybe there was a viable explanation to what she'd witnessed. Or maybe the two were just curious, and nothing more. Then again…she hadn't seen Ruki with a girl since his senior prom, and even then it was just some girl, and not a girlfriend. In fact, the vocalist hadn't spent time with anyone other than his band mates since the group had formed. She shook her head. What kind of strange group things did this band do? She tolerated the music, the strange ways the members dressed, the dark lyrics…but this? This she wasn't quite so sure about. Maybe after Reita left she'd have to have a talk with her son. Sitting down on the tile floor, she tried to catch her breath. This was all too much for her addled mind to take at the moment…


	7. Chapter 7

That evening, Reita slid into his room by climbing through the window. If there was one thing he didn't want to do, it was face his father. The yelling, punishment, demeaning words of his father were harsh enough…but how disappointed would the bassist's father be? How much pain, shock, and horror had filled his mind to know that the Suzuki name would not be carried out any farther? It had to be crippling, as his father held a lot of pride and honor. He was always saying to Reita, "Don't get as wrapped up into work as I did. Produce two or three healthy children, at least one male to carry out the name." Such old fashioned thinking made Akira Suzuki groan and want to hide under a rock. As if making babies was some kind of civic duty that he was supposed to fill…

Removing his clothes so that he was only in boxers, Reita ignored the hum of cicadas and climbed into bed. He was moving around his room almost silently, trying to be a ninja. He didn't want to wake up his father, and if by the off-chance the other man was awake, he didn't want to be heard. The bassist had stayed out until the midnight train took him home. Sure, the midnight train was always filled to the brim with drunken strangers, but they were so much easier to deal with than his strict father. Lying there in the covers with eyes wide open, Reita listened for a sound, anything to indicate his father was still awake. There was only silence.

Just as Reita had managed to relax, there was a very gentle rapping at his bedroom door. The bassist instantly knew who was on the other side. Trying his best not to sound dismayed, anxious, or irritated, he replied lowly to the knocking with a simple, "Come in." Reita's father, Katsutori, made his way into the room. He was still wearing his clothes from work, but the necktie had been loosened and hung freely around his neck.

Katsunori looked for a moment like he might have a heart attack. However, he managed to not raise his voice above hushed speech. He didn't want to wake up Reita's mother for some reason. "Son…I'm not angry with you." Reita could tell by the reddening of his father's ears that this was a downright, blatant lie. However, it seemed like the bassist's mother might have talked some sense into him or something. After a long pause, and without looking at his son's face, Katsunori continued with his little preamble:

"I know how hard it will be for you now. Now that someone knows your secret. The whole world is going to look upon you differently, and you will look differently upon it. I know the unrest that was growing inside of you, I could feel that dull ache in you every single day as you tried to hide the truth from us- what you thought we might think of as an ugly truth. I knew there was something different about you from the day I first held you in my arms, but I never could quite put my finger on what it might have been. While we're sharing secrets, I didn't get to hold you in my arms for the first three months of your life. Now, this might be a bit difficult for you to grasp, so take an easy, slow, breath in…Reita, you aren't biologically our son. We were always unable to have kids, so we adopted you. I've done the best I can to take care of you, but please remember this. Whenever I've been angry or frustrated with you, it's only because I care and want the best for you. In the decision of your…orientation, you completely have my, and your mother's, support. I may not completely understand it, but I really just want you to be happy, and if Ruki is what makes you happy, then I'll just have to accept it."

Reita stared blankly at his father. His father never spoke this much without losing his cool. Also, what was this about being adopted? Reita's eyes were open wide, his mouth slightly agape with shock, wonder, and awe. This night was so much different than he'd imagined in his mind that the bassist wondered if trying to avoid confronting his father had been a good idea in the first place. Once everything had processed and his initial reaction had worn off, Akira Suzuki held his arms out and for the first time in at least five years, he hugged his dad. The room remained silent, but the silence was broken by a growl in the bassist's stomach. Katsunori seemed to snap back to the present and smiled at his son. "Are you hungry?"

In the clamor of a bar the father and son were seated. Although his dad was having a beer, Reita had decided to enjoy the bar's specialty- a beef sukiyaki. The place was busy and so they had to shout just a little bit to hear one another, but the cheap prices and quality products were not something the pair was going to miss out on just because the bar was "busy".

This was a situation in which Reita was glad he always wore a nose tanga during band activities. It seemed that as soon as the makeup came off, the hair gel was washed out, the nose tanga was removed, and the bassist wore his street clothing, nobody ever recognized him. He could still, at this point, live a normal life while being one of the most famous bass players in all of Japan. The two chatted casually, taking their time, and despite the fact that he had been lightly drinking, Katsunori drove them home, singing with the radio the whole way.

If Reita would have been able to see into the future, he might have taken up his father's offer to stay out all night and party until the sun came up the following morning. Nobody in the Suzuki family had seen it coming.


	8. Chapter 8

Ruki was sitting at the piano, his hands poised over the keys. The last thing he wanted to do right now was think, so he decided that playing would distract him. Maybe he could get some new material written while he was at it. Pressing down with his finger on B5, he sighed. He wasn't feeling particularly inspired this morning, for one reason or another.

The phone suddenly began its incessant ringing, and the vocalist left the piano bench to answer it.

"Matsumoto residence."

"Ru baby?"

"What is it, Suzu. You never call me this early in the morning." Ruki's eyes wandered to the window. The first signs of dawn were just appearing. The vocalist's mom left for work a few minutes ago, leaving Ruki awake and alone in the house.

"I know. It's my dad. We had a talk and went to the bar; he drove us home and I went to bed, but…"

"…What?"

"Apparently he couldn't take it. He wanted to accept us, but he couldn't."

Ruki's lips quivered. Had they, they're being together, really driven the bassist's father to end his own life?

"My mother went to use the restroom and found him in there, hanging from a hook he'd put in one of the ceiling tiles. Triple stand polyurethane rope. He probably only suffered for a minute or two."

"Do you want me over, Suzu?"

It had taken about an hour or so, but Ruki was soon ambling up the drive to Reita's place. The bassist wasn't alone there; the other members of the GazettE had decided to stop in as soon as they had caught wind of the incident. The scene that Ruki had walked in was somber, to say the least. Kai was holding Reita, saying gentle, comforting words. Aoi and Uruha were both sitting cross-legged on Reita's bedroom floor, eyes angled down in front of them. Everyone's eyes were red from crying, and Reita looked like he could explode into another wave of sobbing at any moment.

Reita stood, making his way to Ruki and wrapping his arms around the vocalist. As he did so, he slipped a note out of his sleeve and pushed it sneakily into Ruki's back pants pocket. Ruki had felt it, and wondered what was going on, but before he could ask Reita asked if Ruki would fetch a glass of water. Nodding, he left the room and unfolded the piece of paper. It looked like a printed copy, but since it was addressed to the Suzuki family in that familiar masculine scrawl, Ruki could tell almost immediate what it was. The suicide note left at the scene:

"I must firstly apologize. I feel that I have no real right to do this to you both, but please understand that I feel like a failure of a man. I never went to post-secondary school, I couldn't produce a child so I had to adopt, I still work an entry level position at work, I have an alcohol problem, a gambling problem, and I'm overweight. Now…my son, though not my biological son, will not be continuing his line…but unlike me, he is doing such by choice. I cannot understand it. Blood must not mean much, which means I have failed to teach you the proper ethics code of this nation…which explains why you're so eccentric. I've failed you…you and your mother both. I am a sorry excuse for a man. I can't possibly keep doing this, keep living and taking up wasted space. I'm killing plants, polluting the air. I don't know how the two of you ever accepted me, ever loved me. Please know that I did not do this to punish you, Reita. I just couldn't handle myself. I couldn't be strong. Please be the man I could not be, and please take good care of your mother. Make me proud."

Folding the paper back up and placing it in his pocket, Ruki slowly wandered into the kitchen, pulling out a glass. He went to fill it with water, and stood frozen, thinking to himself. He felt responsible for this, guilty as if he himself had killed his boyfriend's father. The pain was almost intolerable. He felt…like a monster.

The ever-curious Kai had been wondering what was taking the other man so long to bring back some water. Just as he was heading into the kitchen, he witnessed Ruki's body following his legs as they gave. He was on his knees on the kitchen floor, his face seeking the palms of his hands as he began to shake, wailing loudly.

Kai diligently rushed to the vocalist's side. For once, the drummer didn't bother to say any words at all. He wasn't about to sugar coat this situation; a man close to them all had died. Holding the vocalist as he was crying, Kai rubbed the shorter man's back. He waited for a few minutes until Ruki seemed to be growing more quiet. "Let me fetch the water. Please, go back and see Reita. I think he needs you more than anyone else at the moment."

Ruki nodded, rising to his feet and making his way back to his boyfriend's room. Once inside, he flopped on the bed next to where Reita now was, wrapping his arms around the bassist and holding him tightly. Aoi and Uruha must have left the room at some point, though Ruki didn't see where they had gone. Kai slid into the room for a moment with the water and quickly dispersed, leaving the pair alone here.

"I killed your father," Ruki finally breathed at last.

Reita remained silent.

"I feel like it's my fault for making him snap."

"If the letter is true, then something else would have happened to make him snap eventually. This was just a pull of the trigger. He already had the gun to his head…metaphorically speaking."

"…"

Reita's mother had disappeared and she never came home until after the funeral. No one knows for sure where she was during that time, but Ruki refused to let the other man out of his site, and so he had kept his boyfriend in his home during that time. His mother normally would have not have been fond of it, but given the circumstances, she couldn't say no.


End file.
